I knew my body would change as I got older, but I never thought I would be this weak. I have zero control over my body. Ok, that’s a lie. I have maybe 70% control over my body, but I would prefer the full 100%. I cannot believe I am a resident of the Shady Pines nursing facility. I used to be a baseball player for crying out loud. It was 3rd grade little league, but even my coach said I had real promise. I just couldn’t live up to the pressure. Now I am walking the halls for exercise with 1 pound hand weights while I watch opening day on a fuzzy television propped up into the corner of the common room, which smells like…honestly, I don’t know what it smells like, but it’s not pleasurable. I can’t believe the stinkin’ Toronto Blue Jays won. I don’t know why I don’t think Canadians can play ball, but I don’t. Try and change my mind. Every time the national anthem plays, I will always stand for the duration. Even in this stinkin’ common room. I feel bad for those schmoes having opening day in Minnesota or Massachusetts, it must be so cold. I guess colder sitting there watching them play. After my baseball career dwindled, I got really into axe throwing in my teenage years. I found it to be a similar motion to throwing a baseball, which I wasn’t that great at but I guess axe throwing stuck. Get it? Stuck? Axe. Anyway. Throwing axes at a designated target helps me get out my temper. I don’t know where my temper came from. I grew up on a farm in rural Iowa, surrounded by nothing but nature. It’s not like we are known for being super aggressive individuals.